Murphy Residence[]
(Sara, Zack, and Milo sort through some clothes.)
Milo: The school needs these for the clothing donation drive by tomorrow so we gotta make some tough decisions.
Zack: Hey, where's Melissa today?
Milo: She said she had to study.
(Cut to Melissa relaxing in a wading pool.)
(Back at the Murphy house, Diogee jumps into the box of donation clothes.)
Milo: Out, boy. Those are all clean.
Zack: Well, not anymore.
(Sara reaches a teal platypus onesie.)
Sara: Hm. Remind me, what happened to these platypus pyjamas?
(Milo flashes back to when he was playing video games in the pyjamas. A fast moving flaming object crashes outside and destroys a wall right next to Milo. As Milo looks at the debris he puts aside his game controller and accidently knocks a mug of hot chocolate onto his pyjamas.)
Milo: Hot chocolate.
Sara: No, I mean why are they teal? Aren’t platypuses brown?
Milo: Someone's idea of artsy. Diogee, out!
(Diogee gets out of the clothes box disappointedly.)
Milo: I better store them someplace safe until tomorrow, away from Diogee.
Zack: Oh yeah, it's Diogee that causes all the problems around here.
(Milo enters his parent’s room.)
Milo: Mom! I'm storing the give-aways in your closet to keep them away from Diogee!
Brigette: Tuna casserole! But not until 6!
(Diogee emerges from underneath Brigette’s bed and jumps into the clothes box again. As he rummages around in them his shacking knocks a basketball into a suitcase labelled "Mom’s Memorabilia". The case falls and opens, dumping it’s contents into the clothes box, startling Diogee. As he jumps out of the box a cloth falls over Brigette’s suitcase, concealing it.)
Tri-State Clothing Donation Drive[]
(The next day, many people are donating there clothes at the "Tri-State Clothing Donation Drive".)
Jim: Did you know that "donation" comes from the Latin word "donare" meaning "to give"?
Lady: Nobody cares, Jim.
(Milo and Zack approach the donation manager.)
Milo: Here you go, sir.
(Milo dumps the contents of the clothes box into a trough of other clothes. The manager checks the trough and takes out Brigette’s empty suitcase.)
Manager: Sorry, clothes only. Suitcase donations are on Tuesdays.
(He then gets in his car and drives off with all the donated clothes in his trailer. Sara approaches, while Milo and Zack look at the suitcase in confusion. Milo hands it to Sara and she screams.)
Sara: You didn't.
Milo: Didn't what?
Sara: Give away Mom's collection of rock concert t-shirts!
Milo: Uh oh. Her shirts must have fallen in by mistake.
Sara: We gotta get them back now guys! Those t-shirts are important to Mom.
Milo: How’d you know that?
(Sara thinks back to a conversation with Brigette while she’s holding a t-shirt.)
Brigette: These t-shirts are so important to me.
(Milo and Zack stare back at Sara with some doubt.)
Zack: I don't believe that was a real conversation.
Sara: Oh right. You're guys, you don't talk about your feelings.
Milo: Well, not our feelings about clothes.
Sara: Well, we’ve gotta get them back because Mom and Dad are going to an eighties party and she's planning on wearing her vintage swag, tonight! In one hour!
Zack: She hasn't worn them in years and we lost them one hour before she needs them? What are the odds?!
Milo: Even money.
Zack: Yep, even money.
(Sara, Milo, and Zack run into a donation center that’s currently being maned by Mr. Drako.)
Milo: Mr. Drako? What are you doing here?
Mr. Drako: I volunteer on weekends. You can find the coolest stuff. Look, a black cape, like I'm a super hero that's evil! (Mr. Drako puts on the cape and laughs evilly.)
Milo: ...um. Mr. Drako, I accidently donated some of my Mom's favourite t-shirts. Do you think we could get them back?
Mr. Drako: Hmm. (Mr. Drako picks up at list of items.) Flea infested underwear, flea infested socks, flea infested mattress, oh here we go, t-shirts. Oh, I'm sorry Milo. We ran out of space for the vintage t-shirts so I sent them on to the mulching centre.
Sara: Mulching centre!
Mr. Drako: Yes. They're mulched, and shredded, and the material is used to make replicas of vintage t-shirts.
(Sara, Milo, and Zack shake with shock.)
Mr. Drako: You look like you're about to scream. Well, if you do, please, take it outside.
(Sara, Milo, and Zack walk out side and scream.)
Mr. Drako: Yeah, they were about to scream.
Coloney Square Mall[]
(At Coloney Square Mall, Cavendish and Dakota sneak into a photo booth)
Cavendish: Dakota, enter the password.
Dakota: Alright. P. A. S. S. W. O. R. D.
Cavendish: The password is "password"?
Dakota: Na, it's Drowssap backwards.
Cavendish: Drowssap?
Dakota: Drowssap, it's my mothers maiden name.
Cavendish: Ah.
Dakota: And it's backwards so, you know, no one will guess it.
Cavendish: No one will guess that.
Dakota: Yeah, security.
Cavendish: Well done.
(Mr. Block appears on the screen.)
Mr. Block: Dakota. Cavendish. Here are today's pistachio protecting coordinates.
(The coordinates are printed by the booth.)
Mr. Block: I have complete confidence in your abilities, to bungle this assignment like every other one. Best of luck.
(Dakota looks over the coordinates.)
Dakota: Yes! The zoo! We get to see actual live animals and...!
Cavendish: Dreadfully happy for you.
Dakota: Happy for us.
♪ We’re going to the zoo. ♪
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
♪ And then we’re gonna see some animals! ♪
Come on. Join in. You know you want to.
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
♪ And then we’re gonna see some animals! ♪
(Dakota flings his arms out to punctuate the last line and startles some shoppers passing near the photo booth.)
Cavendish: It's going to be a very long day.
Dakota: Yeah, hopefully.
Somewhere in town[]
(Sara, Milo, and Zack peddle frantically on their bikes. The donation trailer pulls out ahead of them.)
Sara: It's the donation trailer!
(As a staff member of a hardware store puts out a sale sign as the kids pass, he accidently knocks over a bin of umbrellas into a rack of bowling balls. One falls off onto one end of a fragile bench, catapulting a box of nails on the end. The nails fly into the air and pierce all their bike’s back tyres.)
Zack: Aw, the back tyre. That's my favourite tyre.
Sara: Stash your bike, here comes a bus!
(They get on a bus that is following the donation trailer.)
Milo: No problem, we follow the truck to the mulching centre, grab the shirts, then we’re gold.
Zack: Piece of cake.
Sara: Easy peasy.
Milo: No sweat.
Zack: In the bag.
Sara: Done deal.
Milo: The crow flies in square circles.
(Zack and Sara look at him questioningly.)
Milo: What? I thought we were just saying things.
(The donation car hits a bump in the road and the clothes trailer becomes loose. At a three way intersection the car turns left but the clothes trailer turns right.)
Milo: Stop the bus!
(The bus stops.)
Milo: There's no time to lose!
(An old lady blocks the door with her scooter. As the kids wait behind her the bus slowly lowers to allow her to drive onto the sidewalk. It finally stops and the old lady droves forward but her scooter his the edge of the sidewalk.)
Old Lady: Too low. A little higher please.
(The bus raises a bit and the Old Lay drives off. Zack, Sara, and Milo take off down a hill after the clothes trailer.)
Zack: I'm not used to running after things. (The clothes trailer slows down as it goes up a hill and eventually stops and heads back down the hill.) I'm used to things running after us. (They look up to see the trailer heading straight towards them.) Yeah, see. Like that. (They lunge out of the way of the trailer.) That's what I'm talking about.
(The trailer heads off the main road and heads towards the closed "Danville Ski Slope".)
Milo: Come on. (Milo jumps onto the back of the trailer.) Jump on. We gotta stop it before it his the river.
(The others jump onto the trailer as it starts accelerating down the steep slope.)
Sara: Wait, how are we supposed to stop it now?
Milo: In retrospect, I hadn't thought this through.
(Zack starts pulling out clothes.)
Zack: They've gotta be in here somewhere.
(A wheel of the trailer rolls off and it starts rocking.)
Milo: The wheel! If we hit the water, grab the swag and swim for shore.
Zack: I'm too mesmerised by the thought of my own senseless demise!
Milo: That's the spirit.
Sara: Hold on!
(The trailer smashes into a rock on the slope and is knocked onto a disused ski jump. It rolls down it and is lunched into the air.)
Milo: Aaaaahh...
Milo, Zack, and Sara: Aaaaaaaahhh!
(Melissa continues to relax in a wading pool with Diogee.)
Melissa: Ahhhhh.
(The trailer safely lands)
Zack: Oh thank goodness, we landed on this much larger ski jump!
(They all scream as they fly over the river and into the Animal Sanctuary Zoo. A sign advises “Pistachios Free Today”. The kids are thrown off the trailer into the grass and the trailer ends up in a tree. Some monkeys quickly jump in it and take out and put on Brigette’s vintage t-shirts.)
Zack: How did this get worse?
Sara: Wow, those monkeys really know their vintage t-shirts.
Milo: After them guys!
(They run after the monkeys swinging through the trees ahead of them. Bradley is on a nearby platform and his holding some carrots out for some giraffes but takes them away whenever one tries to eat them)
Bradley: Too slow. Too slow.
(The monkeys jump on the giraffes back and they start a stampede that knocks over the platform Bradley’s on. Zack, Sara, and Milo reach a ledge next to some ostriches and watch the monkeys getting away on the giraffes.)
Sara: Well, when in Rome.
(They jump on an ostrich each and follow the giraffes)
Zack: If we were in Rome we would not be riding on the back of an ostrich. Unless we were at a zoo in Rome that had a flightless birds collection.
(They pass a sign saying "Tiger Encampment Ahead")
Milo: Waaahhh, I'll get my net.
(As Milo reaches into his backpack to get a butterfly net, he’s knock off balance by a branch. He loses the net and swings underneath the ostrich, still holding onto it’s neck.)
Zack: Milo!
Milo: I'm ok. Reach into my backpack. There's the knock out gas gun from the llama incident.
(Zack pulls out a knock out gas gun and launches two shots.)
Dakota: ♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
(One gas canister lands near a tiger and knocks it out)
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
(One lands on the tusk of an elephant and knocks it out)
♪ And then we’re gonna see some animals! ♪
(The elephant falls and knocks over the out of service sky train pylons)
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
(The kids doge the pylons as the sky train comes down around them)
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
♪ And then we’re gonna see some animals ♪
(Cavendish leans on their pistachio cart as he looks through his telescope)
Dakota: ♪ Looking at some animals! ♪ Hey, when's it my turn with the telescope. I want to see some ani...
Cavendish: We’re not looking at animals, you doltish snack hound. I'm looking for the boy who's been thwarting our mission time and time again. The enemy agent.
Dakota: Ah, you know, that was just a theory. I don't know that he's an actual agent. I thought m...
Cavendish: Of course he is! Who else could undermine our every effort with such precision?
Dakota: Soccer mom, a slight wind, a...
Cavendish: Oh yes.
Dakota: ...a potted plant maybe.
Cavendish: Go ahead. Mock me.
Dakota: I am.
Cavendish: But, when I figure out how to thwart the boy who's been sent to thwart us, I am going to double reverse thwart him back.
Dakota: I bet we don't even see him this time.
Cavendish: Five American dollars says we do.
Dakota: Forget that. If I win, you stuff your pants full of pistachios and dance to the zoo song. I will accompany.
Cavendish: And the reverse if I win?
Dakota: Sure, as if I wouldn't do that anyway.
Cavendish: Eh, that's true.
Old man: Giraffe stampede!
(A screaming crowd runs toward them)
Cavendish: What the duice is going on?
(The Old Lady’s scooter bumps into their pistachio cart and it rolls away)
Cavendish: Dakota, save the pistachios!
Tour Guide: Thanks everybody for coming. To be sure we stay together, please remember to always wear your red sash.
(They see the giraffes running towards them and the whole tour group runs away from them. On member dives behind a rack of merchandise. The Tour Guide tries to jump over a fence but a giraffe launches him through the air. He lands safely in a cart full of stuffed Pandas)
Tour guide: I'm ok.
(A member of the tour group lands on top of him. Milo, Zack, and Sara catch up. Their ostriches jump onto the roof of the passing shops and Milo tries to grab a shirt off a monkey but fails.)
Milo: They're getting away.
(They jump off the roof of the shops and pass the otter pen where Diogee is hanging out with the otters)
Milo: Diogee, get out of that otter pen. He just loves otters.
Dakota: ♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
Zack: What can we do?
Dakota: ♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
(The pistachio cart swerves in front of Milo and his ostrich jumps on top of it)
♪ And then we’re gonna see some animals! ♪
(A large sign saying “Bird show” collapses as the giraffes pass it and the pistachio cart flies up it like a ramp)
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
♪ And then we’re gonna see some animals ♪
(Milo’s ostrich backflips off the pistachio cart and lands with Zack and Sara)
♪ Yeah! ♪
(The pistachio cart breaks open in front of the giraffes, who stop to eat the pistachios)
Zack: Wow. Who knew that giraffes liked pistachios. How do we get the t-shirts from the monkeys?
Milo: I think I got it covered.
(Milo grabs a bottle from his backpack and puts a bit of it’s contents on himself. All the monkeys run to and jump on him immediately.)
Milo: Banana cologne.
(They run off with all the vintage t-shirts in their suitcase)
Milo: Let's get these back to Mom. We have 10 minutes left!
(Cavendish and Dakota reach the destroyed pistachio cart)
Cavendish: The pistachios! They're gone! It was him!
Dakota: I didn't see any...
(Cavendish quickly grabs the telescope hanging around Dakota’s neck without releasing Dakota)
Cavendish: Where is he? Where is he!
Dakota: Uk, uh, ugh, uh. ♪ Strangled at the zoo. Strangled at the zoo. ♪
(Cavendish spies Milo, Zack and Sara as they run out the exit)
Cavendish: It's him! The pistachio spoiler!
Dakota: Oh my gosh you're right!
(Dakota and Cavendish glance at each other)
Well, looks like you won the bet.
Murphy House[]
Milo: Mom! Mom! We’re home! Mom, we got your t-shirts!
Brigette: I was looking everywhere for these. I was gonna give them to you guys to donate.
Milo: But I thought you loved these shirts.
Brigette: Yeah, But I'm not 22 anymore. Besides, I just got this replica of a vintage t-shirt for the party tonight, made from recycled old shirts, except it's new.
(Brigette walks off and leaves them in various states of shock and despair)
The Zoo[]
(Cavendish taps his music stand with a conductors baton and signals Dakota)
Dakota: ♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
♪ We’re going to the zoo ♪
♪ And then we’re gonna see some animals ♪
Oh, oh. Oh, hey, hey. There's squirrels in my pants. There's squirrels, in my pants ...and pistachios. Obviously there's also pistachios in there. Probably what attracted the squirrels.
2 Guyz N the Parque: ♪ Squirrels in my pants ♪