Danville Street Next to Jefferson County Middle School
(Things open on Milo lugging his backpack off the bus.)
Milo: Wow, my backpack sure is heavy today.
Melissa: What you got in there, Osmium? (The others look at her questioningly) You know. The densest element? Periodic table. Boom!
Milo: Actually, it's a doctor's note. The school lets me turn them in in bulk at the end of the month. That way the doctor only has to sign the signature page instead of all the individual excuses. Melissa keeps a record of all my adventures, so it makes it easier to catalogue.
Zack: You keep a record?
Melissa: Yeah, on my phone. The kangaroos, the tangerine fight at Mardi Gras, the asteroid...
Milo: The Llama Incident.
Zack: Wait, so you've been taking pictures this... (sees Melissa's phone) Holy cow!
Melissa: Yep, Milo gets around.
Zack: How long is your selfie stick?
Milo: Anyway, I've got to turn these bad boys in today or else I have a month of unexcused absences and...
Elliot: Stop. (His stop sign turns around to reveal the word 'Milo' on the other side) Milo.
Milo: Hi Elliot.
Zack: How do you stop people who aren't named Milo?
Elliot: I don't turn the sign around.
Zack, Milo and Melissa: Ooooooh.
Elliot: Besides, there's only one person in this town I need to stop and his middle name is danger.
Zack: Is that true?
Melissa: *Tch* No. It's pronounced Don-ge.
Milo: It's my grandmother's maiden-name.
Elliot: Enough. You have to do what I say, and as the duly appointed public safety Tzar, it is my job...
Zack: Um, your badge says volunteer crossing guard.
Melissa: And this one says ask me about my strawberry waffle supreme.
Elliot: They're quite tasty and they're half price this week!
Milo: Well, as delicious as that sounds Elliot, we have to go to school.
Elliot: I have my eye on you Murphy, and I never rest. In fact, I sleep with this stop sign.
Zack: If you never rest how do you sleep?
Elliot: Very restlessly.
Zack, Milo and Melissa: Oooooooh.
(A truck rushes past and the signature page to Milo's doctor's note is blown off above a tree)
Zack and Melissa: Aaaaaaahh!
Citizen: Aaaaaahhaaaahh! (examines a painting of the scream) There's a water bug on the back of this.
Zack: Without that signature page, you'll have a month of unexcused absences.
Milo: Holy cow! I'm going to have to repeat the seventh grade.
Melissa: Don't worry Milo, we'll help you find that note.
Zack: But how? This is ridiculous. I mean, that note could be... oh there it is.
Milo: I'll get it.
(Milo reaches down to retrieve the note from the gutter but it is whisked away by the wheels of a passing group of cyclists)
Melissa: Murphy's Law. Boom!
Zack: Are you going to be saying that a lot?
Melissa: I'm thinking about it.
Milo: After that note!
Elliot: I'm watching you Milo!
Student: So, strawberry waffle?
Elliot: *sigh* They're quite tasty and half price this week.
Milo: Hey biker gang, come back!
Melissa: I don't think you'd call them a gang.
Milo: What's a group of bikers then, a gaggle?
Zack: I think it's a pod.
Melissa: No that's whales.
(The note flies out of the bikers)
Zack: Oh, there it is! I got it. I got it. (Zack runs towards the note but it is snagged by a spy drone.) What the?
Milo: What was that?
Zack: It looks like some kind of spy drone.
(Some men in suits and shaded glasses look at the doctor's note obscuring one of the screens in front of them)
Lead Officer: What the devil, is that a doctor's note? Lieutenant, did you take a short cut though the Murphy sector?
Lieutenant: I'm sorry sir. I just wanted to see if my brother in law was using my lawn mower again.
Lead Officer: Well... was he?
Lieutenant: Yeah, I got a shot of it.
Lead Officer: Ugk! That makes me so mad!
(The spy drone brushes through the top of a tree and the doctor's note comes free. Milo tries to grab it but runs into a garbage can)
Milo: Oh great, I'm covered in garbage again.
(The others try to grab it but it is blown away and ends up flying though a window at the top of an office building)
Melissa: (out of breath) Milo, wouldn't it be easier to get your doctor to sign a new one.
Milo: It's Tuesday. He's playing golf somewhere. We'd never find him.
(It zooms in on some golfers in the background)
Eugene: Excuse me, you're not a doctor, are you?
Danville Street Next To Office Building
Milo: One, two, three, four, five... It... It's on the seventh floor. Come on.
(They climb to the seventh floor and find an office covered with piles of paper)
Milo: Oh no, there's paper everywhere.
Zack: I guess they haven't gone digital yet.
Milo: My note could be anywhere.
Melissa: We'll find it. Come on, let's split up.
(They methodically check the entire floor. Finally, Milo sees the note as someone puts a cup of coffee on it.)
Milo: Excuse me. Ma'am. But would you mind lifting up your coffee cup please? (The office worker lifts up her coffee cup) Thank you.
Office worker #1: Oh my gosh. (Picks up the note) This coffee stain is a perfect likeness of Franklin Eugene Austin, inventor of the ant farm.
Office worker #2: It's a miracle!
Office worker #1: I bet it has healing powers.
(The office cubicle is flooded with workers that want to see the note)
Milo: That's my doctor's... no!
(The note is blown out an open window by a newly turned on fan)
Office worker #3: What? It was getting stuffy in here.
(The gang move to the window)
Zack: I don't believe it. It's a tickertape parade. You're sure you can't get your doctor to sign a new note?
Milo: I told you there's no way to find him.
(It zooms in on the golfers in the background)
Fernando: Are you a doctor?
Zack: That's it. It's over.
Melissa: No it's not over! When we signed up to be Milo's friend, we knew it wouldn't be easy.
Zack: I don't remember signing anything.
Melissa: So, are we going to find that note!
Milo: That's a good question.
Zack: You're supposed to say yes, Milo.
Milo: Well then, yes.
Melissa: That's the spirit.
(Meanwhile the astronaut Captain Wilson is sitting on the back of a car that's driving though the parade)
Bodyguard #1: You alright up there, sir?
Wilson: I'm doing great! You know what? I'd love a hamburger. They don't have hamburgers in space.
Milo: The parade must be for that astronaut.
Janitor: Oh, it's not for that astronaut. This parade is celebrating the one hundred and fiftieth anniversary of tickertape parades.
Melissa: Then what's the astronaut for?
Janitor: They're just giving him a ride somewhere. Very slowly because he likes to sit up there.
(Diogee emerges from the crowd as Zack spots the note stuck to Wilson's back)
Zack: *gasp* The astronaut's back!
Milo: Yes, I know he's back. We all just saw him.
Zack: No, I mean the...
(Diogee interrupts with a bark)
Milo: Excuse me for a second Zack. What is it boy?
(Diogee barks and points at Wilson)
Milo: Hey everybody! Diogee found the note! It's on the astronauts back!
Zack: Eh, fine.
Milo: Hey! Mr Astronaut! Hey! Hey! (Milo starts banging on the car) Can you hear me? Hey! Can you hear me?
(Wilson flashes back to when he was in space banging on the window of a space station)
Wilson: Hey! Hey! Can you hear me? Hey! Can you hear me?
(Larry is seen rocking out as he listens to his headphones inside the space station)
Zack:(♪ Chop Chop Chop, Chop away at my heart. Feel it fall...♪)
Wilson: Larry, open the door! I'm running out of air out here!
(The Flash back ends)
Wilson: I... never... should have given him those head phones!
(The spy drone is shown watching the parade)
Lead Officer: Uh oh, Wilson is losing it. We can't have him freaking out in front of all those people. Use the disintegration ray.
(A man in black aims the disintegration ray out the window)
Lieutenant: Uh, sir? We could just drive him out of the parade. He'll be fine once he gets his hamburger.
Lead Officer: You're right Lieutenant. Ugh, and to think of all the parade astronauts that I've unnecessarily disintegrated. Stand down soldier.
(Man in black lowers the disintegration ray disappointedly) Wolinsky: Aw.
Bodyguard #2: Don't worry sir, we'll get you that hamburger soon.
Wilson: Awesome. 'Cause they don't have hamburgers in space.
(The note detaches from Wilson's back)
Milo: There! I got it! I got it! I got it!
Zack: Milo, look out!
(Zack holds Milo back as the note gets swept up by a street sweeper)
Milo: Oh well, have fun in high school guys.
Melissa: No! You know the middle school code. No one gets left behind. Boom!
Zack: That's right! I'm going after it!
(Zack runs after it and promptly smacks right into the back of it)
Zack: Ah! Wow, that's going a lot slower than I thought.
Milo: After that slow moving street sweeper!
(They arrive at a recycling centre and find piles of rubbish everywhere)
Melissa: Ok. Could be worse.
Zack: How? How could this be worse?
Melissa: Eh, you could accidentally get your head caught in a helicopter door that flies you out over the ocean where it drops you straight into a pod of ravenous orca that rip you apart, leaving nothing but your bones for the hungry crabs in the inky depths at the bottom of the ocean!
Zack: Wow... I mean...
Milo: Yeah, I'm... I'm not sure how to respond to that.
Melissa: Aw come on you babies.
♪ I know you've heard it all before ♪
♪ like when I told you that the dog at my homework ♪
♪ Or when I left it in my other pants ♪
♪ and then they went in the wash ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ And I know this story isn't easy to accept ♪
♪ But the power went out and so I over slept ♪
♪ I had a million good excuses ♪
♪ Now they're gone, we'll have to cope with the loss ♪
♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
♪ (I got no) ♪
♪ No explanation ♪
♪ (I got no) ♪
♪ No validation ♪
♪ (I got no) ♪
♪ No Justification ♪
♪ I'm just useless baby ♪
♪ (I got no) ♪
♪ No mitigation ♪
♪ (I got no) ♪
♪ No confirmation ♪
♪ No documentation ♪
♪ No excuses baby, today ♪
Melissa: Milo, I see it.
(Melissa jumps down onto a conveyer belt)
Milo: That's great.
Melissa: My foot is stuck. And I'm about to be shredded and recycled!
Milo: Oh no, that's not great. The being shredded part, not the recycling part because recycling is an important way to...
Milo: Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. On my way! (Milo jumps on a create hanging from a rope) Here I come Melissa. Don't worry I'm... Yaaahh! (The rope holding up Milo's create snaps. Milo falls on a rising platform and is carried away) I'll get there. Don't worry.
Melissa: I'm worrying.
Milo: You know I bet that whole thing with the helicopters and the orcas is looking pretty good right now.
(The chain from which Milo's platform is being lifted snaps and the platform dumps Milo and knocks a segment of a pipe into the shredder that Melissa is heading for, stopping the machine and the conveyer belt, giving Melissa enough time to get her shoe unstuck)
Zack: Ok. That was kinda awesome.
Melissa: Doctor's note, Boom!
Zack: Melissa, you got the note!
Milo: Please excuse... Lola Sunderguard? This isn't my note. Who's Lola Sunderguard?
Lola: Oh great! You found my doctor's note. Thanks.
Melissa lookalike: Bam!
Lola: Well, I... I guess we're gonna be going.
Milo: Yeah, us too. Um.
Milo and Lola: Bye.
Melissa lookalike: Hey.
Zack lookalike: Hey.
Milo: Diogee, where'd you get this?
(Milo grabs his doctor's note from Diogee)
Zack: Hey, it's your doctor's note!
Milo: Life has a strange way of working out. Good boy Diogee.
(They make it back to the school crossing)
Milo: Well, we have plenty of time to turn in these doctor's no...
Elliot: Stop! (He thumbs the button to turn around the sign but nothing happens) Hang on a second, this was... this was just working.
Melissa: We're just trying to get to school! Why can't you leave us alone!
Elliot: Because Milo is a danger to this town, and I'm going to protect it from him. I'm like the wind! I'm everywhere and nowhere! You're never going to see me c...
(While the gang exchange glances at each other, Elliot gets struck by a ray and vanishes)
Zack: Ok wow. That was impressive.
Melissa: Yeah, I... I don't know how you did that Elliot. But we're going to go to school now, so, see you tomorrow, okay.
Wolinsky: Sorry sir. I thought...
Lead Officer: Oh, please tell me we have a reintegration ray.
Wolinsky: Yes sir. I just flip this switch sir.
(Elliot reintegrates onto of a pile of astronauts)
Elliot: Wait a minute. What just happened?
Astronaut: The last thing I remembered I was in a parade.
Eugene: Listen, I have a confession to make.
Fernando: Yeah, what?
Eugene: I... am a doctor.
Fernando: You...? Why didn't you just tell me the truth?
Eugene: I wanted you to like me for who I am.
Fernando: Well it totally worked.
♪ It's my world and we're all living in it ♪