(At the Murphy house Milo grabs some ingredients from the fridge while Melissa and Zack look on)
Milo: I have a secret.
Zack: Milo, that's not how secrets work. You don’t just blurt it out.
Melissa: First you have to hint that you have a secret. Then you gotta wait for someone to ask you.
Zack: So what's your secret?
Melissa: Like that.
Milo: I've been taking a cooking class at the local community college, or at least I was till the ovens blew up. But I learned a lot. So I'm going to cook dinner for you guys!
Melissa: Milo and open flame? Now that's a recipe for some running and screaming.
(Milo turns on the stove. Zack ducks behind the kitchen bench)
Zack: What if we just order out? They can probably deliver right to the hospital where we'll be later.
Milo: Come on Guys, I got this.
(Milo grabs a deerstalker from his backpack and puts it on)
Melissa: Wrong chapeau, chef de cuisine.
Milo: Oops. I had this silly thing set for sleuthing. (Milo shakes the hat inside out and it turns into a chief's hat) Here it goes. First thing, open the box.
(Zack and Melissa quail with terror as Milo opens the box of mac and cheese)
Next, add dried noodles to boiling water.
(Milo puts the contents of the box into boiling water)
Melissa: He's boiling water!
Zack: (Hiding in a cupboard) I know! Wait a second, it looks like he knows what he's doing.
(Milo successfully goes about preparing a fancy meal)
You wear your backpack while you cook?
Milo: I wear it everywhere.
Milo: Well, except for backpacking, I have a different backpack for that.
Zack: So, Chef Milo, what's your secret ingredient?
Milo: It's a secret. I don't want to ruin the surprise.
Melissa: What if it's not a secret and we can prepare for it instead?
Milo: Too late, it's already ready already. Here you go, mac and cheese.
(Milo presents a tray with three bowls of Mac and cheese)
Zack: Wow! Impressive.
(The mac and cheese starts expanding out of the bowls)
Milo: Uh oh. Too much yeast.
(Diogee runs for it)
Zack: Yeast in mac and cheese?
Melissa: I guess now we know the secret in…
(The mac and cheese explodes with a wave of mac and cheese catching up to Diogee and shooting him out the chimney. He lands in the back of a passing dump truck and makes himself at home. Milo finds himself stuck to the roof and, like everything else in his house, covered in mac and cheese)
(He falls to the floor as Zack and Melissa extract themselves from the wall)
Zack: It's in my nose.
Milo: You guys okay?
Melissa: Yeah. Like this is the first time we've ever been covered in cheese and stuck to a wall.
(Milo finishes cleaning up the last of the mac and cheese off a clock, that then falls to the floor and breaks. Zack and Melissa come around the corner wearing Milo’s clothes)
Zack: Thanks for letting us borrow a change of clothes, Milo.
Milo: Is that what I look like?
Melissa: If you were two people, and one of you was a girl.
Zack: You know this outfit makes me feel happy.
Zack: Yeah there was a dollar in the pocket.
Melissa: Well I think we look like a boy band.
Zack: No. We don't. We defiantly don't look like a boy band.
Milo: Um, what have you got against boy bands?
Zack: Nothing! You know, it's just two words. Band. Boy. Boy. band. Ha Ha. Who's hungry? Come on, let's ah, let’s go order some pizza.
(Zack opens the computer)
Zack: Luckily there's a place nearby. Ye Olde Pizza. How does British pizza sound?
Melissa: A little stand-offish but lovable?
Milo: Never had much luck with pizza deliveries at our house. If it shows up at all, it's usually on fire.
Zack: Let's give it a try anyway. It says it's guaranteed.
(On the computer a dressed up spokesman reveals a small dragon puppet in a pizza box that he then pretends to speaks through)
Spokesman: Ye Olde Pizza, when you're tied of bangers and mash, but we got that too! Guaranteed delivery in one one-thousandth of a fortnight.
Zack: One one-thousandth of a fortnight?
(Melissa gets out a calculator)
Melissa: Twenty minutes and change.
Computer: Please wait while we connect you to your helpful pizza squire.
Veronica: Hello hello hello. Ye Olde Pizza. Milo? I don't believe it. Is that you?
Milo: Veronica? How long have you been a pizza squire? I haven't seen you in like, three-hundred fortnights.
Veronica: I know right.
(Melissa starts using her calculator)
Zack: Put the calculator down.
Veronica: It's been a long time. How are you? How's Diogee?
Melissa: Veronica who? I thought we knew all his friends.
Zack: I thought we were all his friends.
Veronica: Should I bring your favourite, pepperoni and sausage?
Milo: Make it a large and you can join us.
Zack: And a diet soda.
Veronica: Hey! ♪ Chop chop chop, chop away at... ♪
(Zack shrieks as he hastily closes the lap top)
Melissa: What was that?
Zack: Oh. I, uh, you know chops. Maybe they have chop salad. Ha ha. I don’t know, do you want a chop salad? I don't...I don't want a chop salad. Do you want one? But hey, Milo huh? Who's this Veronica person?
Melissa: Yeah. Come on. Spill it, Murphy.
Milo: Let's just say that with Veronica delivering, the odds are much better that we'll actually get the pizza. And I'll let you in on another secret.
(Milo glances around, closes the windows, and turns around the family portrait)
This isn't my backpack.
Melissa and Zack: What?!
(Veronica picks up the pizza for Milo)
♪ I want a girl with a suit of armour! ♪
(she loads the pizza drink into the castle themed side car of her medieval motorcycle)
♪ In chainman she’s a real renaissance charmer ♪
(She takes off down the road)
♪ She’s not the kind of girl who is easily rattled ♪
(Veronica dodges a family of ducks crossing the road)
♪ She knows her way ‘round a broadsword battle ♪
(After giving the ducks a salute she avoids a block ally by driving up some stairs)
♪ I want a girl with a suit of armour now! ♪
(She flies through a dragon movie in 3D poster before continuing down the road)
Pedestrian 1: Wow, that’s some good 3D.
Pedestrian 2: m hm.
(Milo enters the garage with Melissa close behind)
Melissa: Come on Milo. Who's this Veronica person? You can't just drop a bomb like that and walk away.
(Zack follows them into the garage and spies a toy badger in a box)
Milo: You're the one who said some secrets are cool. I bet you have some.
(Zack prods Melissa with the badger)
Zack: (Badger voice) Come on, tell me your secrets. Tell them to me! Tell them to Mr. Badger...
Melissa: What are you doing?
Zack: I'm… I’m badgering you. (Badger voice) I'm a badger. (Normal voice) Is it workin'?
Melissa: Actually it kind of is.
(Zack throws away the badger)
I do have a secret. Okay, this is not how I really look.
Zack: You mean you're...
Melissa: That's right Zack. (Melissa takes off her mask and reveals she is a robot) I am a robot! (Milo and Zack run away in terror and escape under the garage door as it raises. Melissa brakes right throw the door before it completely rises as she chases after them) I am a robot! I am a robot! I am a robot!
Melissa: Zack. Zack?
(Zack returns his attention to Melissa as she’s about to reveal her secret)
Melissa: Zack? Are you okay?
Zack: Oh, right. I'm fine. So Melissa, what's your secret?
Melissa: This is not how I really look. (Melissa takes off her mask and reveals she is a robot) I am a robot! I am a robot! (Milo and Zack run away in terror and escape under the garage door as it raises. Melissa brakes right throw the door before it completely rises as she chases after them) I am a robot! I am a robot!
Imaginary Melissa: I am a robot!
Melissa: Oh, What?
Zack: What do you mean this is not how you really look?
(Melissa takes out her two front teeth)
Melissa: My two front teeth are fake, caught a pop fly with my face.
(Melissa returns them and then smiles. Milo runs away in terror but doesn’t duck and implants himself in the retracting garage door)
Jim: Okay everyone we got an oil spill here. Highly flammable. Stay back.
Concepion: Hey, mister. That's not oil, that's molasses.
Jim: Really? Okay then.
(A person on a balcony quickly flips a patty on his barbeque that caught fire off his balcony. It lands in the molasses spill and the street goes up in flames)
Why didn't you tell me molasses was flammable?
Concepion: I'm four.
(Veronica stops in front of the fire)
Truck driver: ♪ Chop chop chop, chop away at my heart. ♪
(The truck driver glances where Diogee is looking and sees the fire in his way.)
Truck Driver: Wow! Timber!
(He swerves and all the dirt in the back of the truck spills out and smothers the fire)
(Diogee jumps off the truck into Veronica’s hands)
Veronica: Diogee. You're a lot bigger than I remember. (She puts Diogee on the side car) Here you go. Let's take you home.
Cavensidh: This is the worst assignment yet. Stopping pistachios from leaking out of a silo.
Dakota: Yeah. but there are perks, check it out.
(Dakota removes his finger from the hole in the silo and catches some pistachios that spill out and eats them)
Cavendish: Stop that. You're making it worse. (A larger hole opens in the silo) See.
(Dakota plugs the new hole with another finger. Veronica drives past and another hole opens.)
Dakota: Would you give me a hand here or at least a finger?
Cavendish: Fine, like this?
(Cavendish puts his finger over the new hole and the silo bursts open)
Dakota and Cavendish: Wow!
(A wave of pistachios catches up with Veronica)
Veronica: Hold on Diogee. (Veronica jumps onto the sidecar as a passing lamp post smashes the motorbike) Wow! (They come to a stop) Well Murphy's Law is in full force. What we need now is some power. We're going to have to improvise. Mints, and diet soda. (Veronica puts some mints in the diet soda and ties it to the back of the sidecar) Take cover boy. Hold on to your tail! (Veronica opens the diet soda with her sword)
Milo: Guys. She's getting close. I can feel it.
Veronica: Milo! I'm coming in hot!
Milo: Battle stations everyone. Melissa, fire extinguisher. Zack, trampoline.
(Milo opens the garage door. The side car falls to pieces and Veronica and Diogee are catapulted onto the trampoline. They are bounced into a pile of cardboard boxes which Veronica is pulled out of on a skateboard by Milo. Melissa checks her watch.)
Melissa: One one-thousandth of a fortnight.
Zack And it's not even on fire.
(The pizza catches fire)
Milo: Oh, spoke too soon. (Melissa grabs the fire extinguisher and puts out the fire. Milo checks on the pizza) But none the worse for wear. Everybody. This is Veronica. Veronica, these are, my other two friends.
Melissa: Okay. So how do you guys know each other?
Milo: Veronica was my last babysitter.
Veronica: Last babysitter standing.
Melissa and Zack: Ooh.
Milo: She was the only one smart enough and resourceful enough for the job. She had a backpack that just happened to have exactly what we needed to fix any disaster. Murphy's Law is strong, but she was stronger, because of that backpack.
Melissa: And that's her backpack.
Milo: That's right.
Veronica: He earned it. I better go back and get that drink. I had to use your diet soda and some mints to improvise an afterburner.
Zack: Don't make that trip again on my account.
Veronica: Oh no it's my pleasure. I was a huge fan of the Lumberzacks. Gotta go. Chop chop chop. (Veronica blows Zack a kiss and then whistles, attracting an ostrich that she then mounts and rides away on) I'll be back with a soda in a few.
Zack: …So… pizza?
Milo: I don't get it. How did she know your name? And what the heck is a Lumberzack?
Zack: Heh. I guess we'll never know.
Melissa: Unless we just look up "Lumberzacks, Chop Chop Chop" on the Internet.
(Melissa presents a video that starts playing on her computer)
Zack: Oh no.
Melissa: Ooohh, this is going to be good.
(The video is presented as “Chop Away at my Heart” “The Lumberzacks” “Swampenmire Records”)
Zack: ♪ I know your pining ♪
♪ but every cloud has got a silver lining ♪
♪ The leaves are parting now the sun is shining! ♪
♪ and you’re in my arms so the planets are aligning. ♪
The Lumberzacks: ♪ My heart is strong, like a tree. ♪
♪ And you belong, baby you belong to me. ♪
♪ Without you, I'm tied to the ground. ♪
♪ And If I fall, do I even make a sound? ♪
♪ Chop chop chop, chop away at my heart. ♪
♪ I can feel it falling ♪
Backup Singers: ♪ Timber! ♪
Lumberzacks: ♪ And I will never part. ♪
♪ I know you, you've be there from the start. ♪
♪ So baby, Chop chop chop. ♪
Zack: ♪ Chop away at my heart. ♪
Lumberzacks: ♪ Naa. Na na naa. Na na na na. na na naa ♪
♪ Naa. Na na naa. Na na na na. na na naa ♪
♪ Naa. Na na naa. Na na. na na na naa na na ♪
♪ (Naa. Na na naa. Na na na na. na na naa) ♪
♪ Naa. Na na naa. Na na. na na na naa naa naa ♪
♪ (Naa. Na na naa. Na na na na. na na naa) ♪
Zack: ♪ Chop chop chop, chop away at my heart ♪
Milo: He’s so sensitive.
Zack: ♪ (I can) ♪
Lumberzacks: ♪ (feel it falling) ♪
Melissa: I know right.
Zack: ♪ (And I will never part) ♪
Zack: Please turn it off. I will give you this dollar I found in your pocket.
Zack: ♪ (I know you, you’ve been there from the start) ♪
Milo: Oh you can keep that.
Zack: ♪ (So baby, Chop Chop Chop, Chop) away at my heaaaaaaaaaaaaart! ♪
Backup Singers: ♪ Chop chop chop, chop away at my heart ♪
Zack: ♪ Yeaaaaaaaahhhhh! ♪
Lumberzacks: ♪ I can feel it fallin’. ♪
Backup Singers: ♪ Timber! ♪
Zack: ♪ And I will never part ♪
Backup Singers: ♪ I know you ♪
Zacks: ♪ You’ve been there from the start ♪
Lumberzacks: ♪ So baby, chop chop chop, ♪
Zack: ♪ Chop away at my heart ♪
Melissa: You were in a lumberjack themed boy band.
Zack: We were regionally famous. The lumberjack thing was not my idea. My mom had a bunch of flannel and… Ugkkk!
Milo: But you were in a band!
Melissa: It’s really cool Zack.
Milo: Hey! We should start a band.
Melissa: I can play the base.
Zack: That’s cool.
Milo: And I’ve got an accordion
Zack: ... potentially cool in a hipster kind of way.
Diogee: Bark! Bark!
(Diogee is siting on the pizza)
Zack: And now we have to order another pizza.
♪ It’s my world and we’re all living in it! ♪